I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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