one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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