Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
