Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
