Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
don't judge my taste in strippers
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
