everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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