Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
