i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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