Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
