I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
