So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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