please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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