We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
