It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
