got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're a waste of cheezeits
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
