I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can you bring me the toilet please
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
