respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
