I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
