She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
