im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need a beard to bite.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
