Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
