I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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