they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
