so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
