somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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