Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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