Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
