Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
