it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
