in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
