i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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