dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
