I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
