hell yes lets make some ravioli
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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