Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
