Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
