I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How drunk are you?
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