We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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