I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
