Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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