Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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