Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just gargled with NyQuil
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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