Jerry, you need to find god
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
