The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i think i just lost a toe
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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