He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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