That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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