He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
