chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
