shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
