She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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