garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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