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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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