i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
