Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
