is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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