Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
